Sometimes, I miss life before children. I know this statement is selfish, and it makes me feel guilty and like I’m a bad mom, but it’s true. I miss free time and going where I want when I want. I miss having money to spend on myself. I miss staying out until 2:00 AM. I miss sleeping in until my body wakes me up. I miss watching televison that does not revolve around Disney characters.
Tonight, however, the girls are having a sleepover. The girls are going to spend a delightful night with their cousins, and we have the “night off” from parenting. We are going to a restaurant and we will not ask for kids’ menus. We will be able to luxuriate: order an appetizer and eat it before we order our meal. After, we will not have to rush home. The night is ours.
Tonight, we are going to go on a date, and when we come home, no one will be here. The house will be empty. It will be quiet. It will not look like a tempest raged through and knocked every toy onto the ground. No one will wake me in the middle of the night having had a bad dream. No one will turn on the television at an un-Godly decibel at 6:00 AM. No one will wake me at 6:30 AM demanding pancakes or cinnamon toast.
For tonight, it is going to be like it was before any of it was. Yes, that is the plan.
Except, we will run out of conversation within minutes because what else do we talk about but the children? When we get home, the house will be quiet, but it will feel lonely. Carson won’t complain about her sisters. Her sisters won’t complain about Carson. Sure, the house will not be messy, but it won’t feel homey without the mess. And to be honest, I kind of like that when someone has a bad dream, I have the power to quell the hysteria and provide security and a sense of calm. I don’t really mind the television either, we use a room air conditioner because our bedroom gets so hot; I never really hear it. And can I help it my breakfast making is so yum-delicious that they cannot wait until 7:00 AM?
It is going to be like it was before any of it was, but I kind of like the way it is, and even though the girls are going to have a blast at their sleepover and Tom and I will have fun on our date, and as much as I will like sleeping in without being woken up by anyone, I will miss them. So, I guess missing life before children is just remembering the past; I wouldn’t want my present to be any other way.
Nonetheless, I can still have the guilty pleasure of going out tonight and not worry about being pulled out of my slumber by my munchkins!